Jul 25, 2022
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In this episode, Pam and I talk about two areas of building a
- Family Matters
Class #3: Rock Solid Family and Focus
- Become the “family man”
- Your wife needs to feel that you are leading the family and the
- Deuteronomy 6:4-9
- 4 Hear, O Israel:
The Lord our God, the Lord is
one.[a]5 Love the Lord your
God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your strength. 6 These
commandments that I give you today are to be on your
hearts. 7 Impress them on
your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you
walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get
up. 8 Tie them as symbols on
your hands and bind them on your
foreheads. 9 Write them on
the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
- You are there to train and raise your family.
- Your wife will respect you as you take care of the family.
- Family Devotionals
- Quiet Times with the kids
- Camping: Read quote from Gary Smalley.
- Several years ago, we interviewed healthy families across the
country and asked them each the same question: "What do you believe
is the main reason you are all so close and happy as a family?"
What we found amazed us. Each family gave basically the same
answer: "We do a lot of activities together." Upon further study,
we discovered these families also had one particular activity in
common - camping. Instead, we believe the secret to being a
close-knit family almost always can be found in camping because two
very important things happen.
Close-knit relationships result from people sharing numerous
2. Close relationships form after dealing with difficulties in
a positive manner.
- There is no substitute for solid time together
- Plan a camping trip this Winter
- Becoming the suitable helper (Pam)
- Husbands need to feel like their house is their sanctuary.
- Husbands need to help, but will never do as much as wives
around the home.
- Does your husband feel warm and welcomed when he comes
- Share: When your husband is late, how do you respond when he
- “Honey, it is so good to have you back home!”
- Or… “Where have you
The 80/20 rule
20% of the things you are doing will be useful to build up your
The other 80% adds little or works against you
Write down 3 things that are currently working. “Keep
Write down 2 things that you would like to start or implement in
your life from what we’ve gone over. “Start Doing”
Show your partner.
Know what to stop
You are busy, swamped.
It is hard, if not impossible to add more to your life…
Unless you stop doing things you are currently doing.
What are some things that you could stop doing that would open
up space for love, communication, sex?
- Netflix binging
- Too much media
- Late night computer browsing
- Video games
- Big box shopping
- Drinking too much
- Multi-level marketing
- Day trading
- You have a routine in place.
- That will have to change if you want to improve and grow
- Make a stop doing list
- Write down one thing you could cut to make time for your
- Pam said: “You’re so busy”
- Successful marriages have certain habits
- They are intentional
- The opportunity you have this weekend is to make a change and
build your marriage daily until it becomes habitual.
- You already do this in other areas, both good and bad:
- Quiet time
- Date night
- Sinful habits
- Are you ready for a great marriage?
- It takes maintenance and attention. You can’t keep expecting
more out of your relationship without taking care of it.
- Let me leave you with a tool that will help you to make each
day of your marriage together a masterpiece.
- If you will work on this over the next 90 days, you will see a
huge improvement over time.
- Next Steps
- Read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by
John Gottman and Practice his “5 Magic Hours:”
- Partings/Departures – 2 Minutes per day
Spend two minutes per day warmly and intentionally departing from
your spouse for work, the gym, or social activity. This can include
a brief description about the forthcoming appointments or
activities that you will encounter during your day. Two minutes per
weekday, 10 minutes per week. Six Second Kiss
- Greetings/Arrivals – 20 Minutes per day
At some point shortly after your return home from work or daily
activity, spend twenty minutes debriefing about the events of the
day. Spending 20 minutes per weekday is 1 hour and 40 minutes per
- Physical Affection – 5 Minutes per day
- Admiration, Affirmation, & Compliments – 5 Minutes
Weekly Dates – 2 Hours per week