Jul 12, 2022
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In this series, my wife, Pam, and I share what we've learned about how to have a happy marriage. In this first episode, Building a Marriage on the Rock, we lay the foundation for successful marriages. Join us as we talk about:
- Building on Christ and his teachings
- Spotting the signs of a marriage headed for divorce
- Spiritual Stepping Stones
- How Growth, not Happiness Should be Your Goal
All this and more on the Rob Skinner Podcast!
Transcript:
- One of the questions you’ve asked me is how to make marriage work.
- I’ve asked Pam to join me for a three-part series on marriage.
- Pam, welcome to the program!
- How Pam and I got together
- Rob:
- Parents married 53 years
- 5 siblings with 11 divorces
- I was looking for a rock-solid foundation for marriage
- God helped me to become a Christian and build on the Rock
- We’ve been married 30 years, 10 lived overseas.
- Pam:
- Rob:
- Build on the Rock
- Build on Christ:
- 1 Corinthians 10:4
- For they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied
them, and that rock was Christ.
- He is who meets our needs, gives us the water of life and refreshment.
- Build on Christ’s teachings
- Matthew 7:24-27
- 24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
- Those who build rock-solid marriages:
- Look to Christ as their source of life and refreshment
- Build on Christ’s teaching as their foundation
- Signs of a Rocky Marriage
- Tension
- Yelling
- Lack of patience
- Constant, close proximity issues
- Pam
- The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- John Gottman’s study of divorces
- He was 91% accurate in predicting a divorce
- Contempt
- Sarcasm, rolling the eyeballs, sneering, laughing at the person
- Criticism
- Addressing the issue not the person.
- The difference between a complaint and a criticism.
- Flooding
- Going past the “reasoning” side to the primitive side of our brain
- Stonewalling
- The silent treatment
- How are you doing? Pam
- You might have gotten into a fight this week.
- It happens! Share
- Spiritual Stepping Stones:
- Marriage is temporary
- Matthew 22:30
- At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.
- For some this is good news, for others bad!
- You choose how you live your life and marriage
- Let’s focus on helping one another get to heaven.
- Goddard List
- Give each other a hug knowing that it’s not going to last forever.
- Marriage is a gift from God in a dark world
- Ecclesiastes 9:9
- 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.
- Pam
- Smile at your wife or husband
- Marriage takes humility.
- John 8:7-9
- 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and
said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first
to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the
ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time,
the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman
still standing there.
- Build with stones, don’t throw them.
- Remember, you are a sinner too
- We can’t directly change our partner
- The only thing we can change is ourselves
- We can get caught in “Knots”
- “I’ll change when they do this, but they won’t do this, so I’m not going to change.”
- Pam shares:
- Make growth, not happiness, your goal
- 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s
eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can
you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’
when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You
hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:3
- Happiness is a bad goal and very elusive.
- Happiness and satisfaction is a product of personal growth
- What makes a great friendship is a common purpose or goal for
the marriage.
- Francis Chan book
- Pam shares: We see through the same window.
- It is our relationship with God and the purpose he gives our lives that enables the love and deepens our relationship.
- Personal growth
- Are you growing as a person and as a disciple?
- That is the only thing you can really control.
- Some of us have spouses that don’t seem to be interested in changing or growing.
- We get so upset with our partners about:
- Their spirituality
- Their weaknesses, quirks
- Their weight
- Their problems with money
- What not to do:
- Share: Financial mistake: Pam forgiving and cooperating
- Pam shares
- Mission growth
- Saving souls puts your problems in their proper perspective
- It gives your marriage a larger purpose rather than simply living for the pleasure of this world.
- Don’t neglect your gift.
- Take risks for God, get back into the battle.
- Runners speed up in the second half, not slow down.
- Roger Bannister
- Share: Japan, Ashland, Tucson
- 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s
eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can
you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’
when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You
hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:3
- 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and
said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first
to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the
ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time,
the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman
still standing there.
- John 8:7-9
- Ecclesiastes 9:9
- Matthew 22:30
- Marriage is temporary
- Contempt
- Matthew 7:24-27
- For they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied
them, and that rock was Christ.
- 1 Corinthians 10:4
- Build on Christ:
Discussion with your spouse:
How are you doing?
What warning signs are you seeing?
Is there anything that needs to be apologized for?
How are you trying to grow?
Join us next time as we talk about building a Rock-Solid Friendship.